No Regrets, Just Lessons !

My new motto ! It's hard to accept the things you cannot change. You can't go back in time to redo things and to avoid them from happening. If only we could...that would be amazing but we would all take advantage of it. Things would be perfect but we probably wouldn't learn any lessons. I've made my mistakes and i've learned from each of them. I've learned to accept my past but i hate when people bring it up and try to judge me for it. I'm not perfect, nobody is. I've just made more mistakes than others but i have not repeated any cause i learned. If i could go back in time, hell yea i'd change a few but i can't. I try to leave my past in the past and not involve it with my present. I don't like bringing it up and don't ask me about it. If i feel comfortable enough then i'll fill you in on a little but it's my life. I should write a book lol. I've had a pretty dramatic yet amazing life and this is only the start. I have many more lessons to learn:) I know parents give us advice to keep us from making the same mistakes they did but not everyone learns by seeing other ppl's issues and seeing how they overcame it. Some ppl need to actually experience it and i'm one of those. I need to feel it so i can learn. It's like when i was little and my dad would tell me not to do something. I would do it again and again until he actually yelled at me the 3rd time. Thats when i learned not to do it:) Yes... hardheaded i know. I could of avoided the yelling if i had listened the first time but i didn't want to. I am now almost 22 and trying to stable myself and I know not everyone is happy with my decisions but let me learn ! I know i can easily go back home, make EVERYONE happy and be blessed but will i truly be happy? NOPE! I wasn't happy and i needed to breath and i needed something new. I just want ppl to respect my decisions instead of trying to bring me down and tell me i'll suffer the consequences. I know i have it coming but just hop off and let me learn!!!!!!

To move or not to move. That is the question.

Yea so i seriously do not know what to do anymore! I have a good opportunity in gettin good cash if i move to texas for a few months during tax season but i really don't wanna leave NY. Another thing, my dad is making it hard for me because he won't give me MY car to go there and i need one! If i stay in NY, i can't stay living at my uncle's house for long so i need a place. I was offered a place in Queens where i can pay $300 a month, the only problem is...i have a temp job now and it's gonna end in Jan so what if i don't find a job in Jan. I'll be screwed not being able to pay rent! Ughh what should i do???? One thing is for sure...i refuse to move back into my parents house. I can't do it. I promised  myself i wouldn't and i'm honestly not happy there. Certain ppl are always concerned about judging others instead of looking at themselves in the mirror. I also never seem to satisfy my parents no matter what i do. I think for now i'll just do what i feel is better which....i'm not sure what that is yet=( any ideas??

CUNY school's are sooo not professional & i hate lies !!!

Okay so i went to the school today (for the billionth time) to turn in my parents taxes and it just so happens that everytime i go, i need a new form. Like seriously...WTF !!!!! My patience is wearing out. I've given them everything and now they ask me for another form. It seems so impossible to get financial aid but damn it...I NEED IT! I'm on my own for crying out loud...i haven't lied on any forms like most ppl do and my parents are not helping me out. Sucks that the honest ppl have to go through so much because ppl love to lie. Like a few months back, i tried getting food stamps....yes...Jeanette Funes tried to get foodstamps and after 4 failed attemps of irresponsible service and no courtesy from their party....i gave up ! It was humiliating! No offence to ppl on welfare and collecting money but good grief..stop being so selfish and lazy. There's other ppl in this world that really do need the help. These offices ask for so much and it seems like they judge you thinking you're a liar but here I am telling them the truth but ofcourse they make it so complicated because ppl LIE !!! Ughhh i never thought i'd see myself in this situation and damn it... ITS HARD ! But i gotta do what i gotta do. I guess I can only thank God that he has provided for me and i have yet to really starv. I mean, i do love to eat and sometimes i have nothing to eat but somehow He provides. It's good to know someone still cares:)

Deep down...i Miss them odee !

My parents, my sis, my nieces and nephews. My friends....what friends!? I feel like just like i moved to do my own thing, everyone else did too. I don't blame them but i had my group of "bestfriends" but those friendships starting dying out because of certain circumstances. I don't wanna put all the blame on them because i know myself. I'm the type of person that puts up a wall against people and I can act like nothing hurts me...I do this to avoid feeling hurt. Deep down the wounds stay there and i try not to hold grudges but i miss the good days when we were younger and had nothing to worry about besides school and what we were gonna do on weekends. I guess that's part of growing up....i guess that's life. I chose to move to another state and start a new life so i guess this comes along with growing up....moving on.

Am i really moving to New York!???

June 13, 2010....Oh sht...i really did move ! Now what? i feel stuck. WTF to do? Where do i work? How do i start? I feel lonely, i mean i have friends here but it's not the same. I miss home, i miss my room and my bed and my fish tank...oh and i can't forget my car!! I miss being spoiled. Period! I had so many mixed emotions. I wen't through with my move, i have a plan but i don't know how to get started.

And that's how my struggle to independence started...