Hey world, Happy April Fools Day. I was going to start this blog differently but since it's April Fools Day, here's a food for thought....have you ever forgiven someone that hurt you so badly but you can't forget what they did. Is there such a thing as forgiving and forgetting?? Or am i a fool for not forgetting? Yes it says in the Bible that we should forgive "seventy times seven" therefore we shouldn't limit our forgiveness but do we actually forget? I don't think so. Some wounds are just too deep. This is not a sappy sob story about a guy hurting a girl. This is a girl hurting her best friend and i'll tell you a little about it so u could understand. We were closer than peanut butter and Jelly. We finished off each other sentences, we lived together for 2 years. She was my husband and i was her wife. My partner in crime....my everything, you name it. She knew me better than i knew myself and she picked me up every time i was down. Everything started to change when a specific guy came along and made her change. He had her right where he wanted and i could not stand him. This made our friendship change. I should of been supportive but i just couldn't stand to see her go thru heartaches for several years over this one douchebag! After a while i decided to change my life and move to NY. We still kept in contact but a few months after moving, she had an accident that almost left her paralyzed and i was about to rush back to FL but then i got the news that her surgery had gone well...thank God! Before moving, i was in a year long relationship but i broke it off due to certain things that happened which i won't get into. Cutting to the chase, i hurt this guy and he hit me where it would hurt the most... my twin (no I'm not gay & no i did not cheat lol). He stood by her side the whole time and feelings began to progress. She hid it from me for half a year and on Jan 1st, she came clean about their relationship. I was furious, bitter, hurt, heartbroken. Like helloooo, what happened to girl code!!! Took me a while but i finally forgave her and wished her the best. Here's the point to this story, i never forgot how much it hurts to loose a friend. I tried so many times to build our relationship again but eventually you need to learn to fall back and move on. She wants nothing to do with me out of fear for her now husband, that he'd see me and catch feelings or that i might try to rekindle things. Not my style. I NEVER go back. Mark my words! I just miss her. I miss having a best friend, i miss having a go to girl. I'm still hurt about the whole situation and i guess I'm the fool who hasn't moved on cause she seems to be doing great. It's easy to forgive someone but it's not easy to forget and i haven't. Maybe it's because I'm still longing for a miracle to happen and we could go back to being friends. We've spoken a few times but she's very standoffish towards me which upsets me cause she's not the one that got backstabbed, i did. Not trying to play the victim but damn, I've tried so many times and all she says is "one step at a time." I believe people are placed in your life for a reason and maybe this was to teach me not to take my friends for granted but geez, what a hell of a lesson which i did not learn. Instead i pushed myself away from ppl and completely stopped trusting. I try giving ppl the benefit of the doubt but i still have trust issues. After debating this for so long, i decided to erase her completely out of my life. I don't even want to remember the memories and good times we had because that alone gets my eyes watery every time. It hurts that bad. Why chase after ppl who want nothing to do with you. Only makes you a fool right?
There i finally had the guts to release at least half of what I've been holding in for the past 2 years.. Lame i know. Until next time... Don't be a fool!!
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