Okay so the big Vday is 2 weeks away and I'm feeling certain type of way because i don't have that special somebody to wine and dine me. I'm not bitter btw. Yess I admit I'm jealous of those cute couples that have been together for a long time and still stand strong. Just those couples. If you know me, you know I've been in a few relationships and they were all just flings. Something for the moment to entertain me till i got bored and on to the next...i know it sounds pretty bad but the fear of being alone was always empowering till a little over a year ago when i finally came into my senses and realized that before i loved anyone else, i had to love and respect myself first. I had to know who i was and what i wanted in a man not just stick to any guy that will give you that attention you long for. They say the first wound is always the deepest and in my case, it really changed me. It made me angry towards guys and gave me a low self-esteem to the point that i made many mistakes because all i wanted was attention and i really didnt care who it was from. (Yea huuge mistake!) A wise friend used to always tell me, "with every relationship you have, if it didn't work out, make sure you learn from them." And yes my past has taught me very valuable lessons. I could of easily avoided lots of heart-breaks, fights, tears, wasted time, confusion and even money but you see, I'm the hardheaded type of girl. People always warned but i never wanted to listen so i did whatever i wanted to do. I wouldn't think about the future and if i did, i was oblivious about how things would end up. I lived in lala land per say and had this image of how i wanted things to end knowing deep down inside that it would end bad. Yea living for the moment type of attitude. As much fun as that can be, that fun moment turns into heartaches eventually. That in turn is what results in coldhearted people and having major trust issues. So with that being said, if you're reading this and you just so happen to be an ex or just someone i flirted with for a little, i wanted to apologize if i ever hurt you in any way. People don't go into a relationship with a mindset of wanting to hurt others. I'm sorry for the fights, the yelling, the disrespect and so on. I'm far from perfect and whatever wrong actions i made in the past were just part of immaturity. I am now about to be 23 and after being single for so long, I'm learning that its okay to be alone. I'm tired of wasting my time and giving a piece of my heart to every guy that approaches me. I'll just wait patiently because its better to be alone than with bad company. Someday I'll get that big, cheesy bear with the pink bow from walmart that I've been dying for since i first seen it back in 2007. Someday I'll get a bouquet of flowers delivered to my job. One day a guy will take me out on a date to a fancy dinner, movie and a walk around town/beach. Just the two of us... and I'll remember why i fell in love with him in the first place. At 23 years old, i now have an image of what man i want in a man and I'm not settling till he comes my way.
For now I'll probably take my sister up on her idea of sending each other anonymous flowers to each others jobs to feel special lol smh...pathetic i know but hey, we're girls :)
While I've been writing this blog, I've had one song stuck in my head which is kind of irrelevant but as i was browsing for it, another one caught my attention. A classic, enjoy....
Watch "Dr. Evil - Just The Two Of Us (Austin Powers)" on YouTube
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